There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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