I CAN MOONWALK!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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