No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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