someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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