"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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