It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
