Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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