I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
