There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
