So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
