I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
