i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
