garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
