dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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