You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
