i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize