Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
