Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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