im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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