Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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