she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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