I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
