trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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