This house was built for laser tag.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
