ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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