Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Randomize
