So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
