yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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