I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
