I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
