He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
