and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
