I just threw up on my dentist
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
