dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
