Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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