Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
