tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up under a house in Key West
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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