Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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