Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
