I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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