Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
