When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
