I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize