I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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