Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
