Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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