Jerry, you need to find god
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was not drunk enough for that final.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
