hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
