Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
