Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
