HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
