Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
