then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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