Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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