I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
