Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
