I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
