stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
