She's JV to your varsity
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
