I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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