Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have already put on my inside pants.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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