Ketchup is God's man juice
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have fence marks all over my body
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
