im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he thought i was a dude.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
