i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
