Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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